In Defense of Minivans

"Matt Brown" (superfastmatt) 09/13/2013 at 11:00 • Filed to: Minivans

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I own a Dodge Viper and a minivan, and if I could only keep one of them, it would be the minivan.

Now I know what you’re thinking, you’re thinking “I don’t want to be rude, Matt, but I’m not sure this is the place for you.”

Hear me out.

I engineer cars at work, build cars at home, race cars on the weekends, and write about cars in my spare time. I’m a total car guy. I remember watching a car show a few years back and one of the hosts posited that you couldn't be a car guy if you owned a minivan, which I thought was funny since I know for a fact that one of the other hosts owned a minivan. But what a stupid thing to suggest, it’s like saying that you can’t be a writer if you start sentences with conjunctions, or have, like, way too many run on sentences. Who makes these rules? I mean are we really going to eliminate the possibility of owning an entire class of vehicles just because of some presumption about what it says about you, or what kind of people typically buy it? Don’t get me wrong, I’m not trying to convince you that all cars are great in their own special way; there are plenty of cars that could do without a fan club (most of which have fan clubs), but the minivan is different, and here’s why.

People belittle minivans without much argument from minivan owners, and even the owners bemoan their suburban accoutrement, but the truth is that people love their minivans. It's like a secret club where we all quietly enjoy everyone else's complaints about our car choice, but we really think it is super awesome. I bought my Chrysler Town and Country from a retired couple who took meticulous care of it. They had a stack of receipts and paperwork three inches thick. The wife loved it and did not want to see it go; she made me promise to take good care of it. And I, being an honest and empathetic individual, looked a sweet old lady in the eyes and lied to her face. "I'll totally take good care of it, i'll clean it, and wash it, and..." all lies. Three weeks later, one of my neighbors said to me "Your van is really dirty, it looks like you took it off road. " as though "off road" is a place where you don't take minivans.

Second, nobody who cares what other people think about them would ever buy a minivan; it is a vehicle purchased solely by people who do not care. If not giving a shit is cool, then minivans are rock star cool. It is so uncool that it transcends coolness, going so far to the side of uncool that it comes full circle to absolute coolness. If Keith Moon were alive today, he would totally drive an Odyssey into a hotel swimming pool. I know, you’re thinking, “But dude, PTA moms aren't cool.” Slow your roll there, Chief. PTA moms don’t drive minivans. They drive Lexus RXs and Chevy Tahoes. They drive SUVs and the only reason they drive SUVs is because they don’t want to be seen in a minivan, because only PTA moms drive minivans.

Third, you can haul stuff. I've hauled go karts, car engines, refrigerators, beer kegs, desks, dressers, beds, street bikes, dirt bikes, mountain bikes, friends, family, strangers... You say you want to put a motorcycle inside, another on a hitch carrier, fill the rest of the inside with camping stuff, and also haul two dead Christmas trees, for some reason?

I had to put air suspension on the rear to balance out the load when I fill it with crap.

Fourth, camping is a breeze. Setting up camp consists entirely of putting the van in park. It was my home for a week at Burning Man, drowning out the drone of techno music and protecting me and my stuff from the windy blast of playa sand and weed smoke.

Also, you can totally live in it. I know to some of you this may not be terribly exciting news, but it is. You haven’t lived until you've lived in a minivan down by the river. For 10 weeks earlier this year I lived in my minivan, driving from national forests to friends’ houses to mountain campgrounds, gallivanting around the country, just me and my dashboard companion, Hula Vader.

I drove along the coast from LA to Seattle to see some old friends, across to Yellowstone, through Wyoming, over to Pennsylvania to visit family, down to Washington DC to spend a week wandering around the Smithsonian museums, down to Oklahoma to visit friends and family, back through Colorado, and over to Utah for some mountain biking, and a hundred places in between for some of the best camping, hiking, and sightseeing I've ever experienced.

One late night in DC, I didn't feel like driving back to the campground, so I parked in a nice looking neighborhood, crawled in the back, and went to sleep. I was bothered by exactly nobody. You know why? Because you see 100 minivans a day and you never think twice about it. RV? You can’t park that here! Ford Focus? Good luck stretching out and getting a good night’s sleep. Minivan? Your new home on the corner of random street and nobody-cares-if-you-park-here circle.

On one particular stretch of my adventure, I was driving down a state highway in Utah that was the most beautiful place I've ever been. It followed the Colorado River and was surrounded by massive sandstone walls, and spires, and amazing scenery in all directions. I decided to take a side road towards some interesting rock formations and found myself in the greatest campground I've ever seen. I parked at the last open campsite and went exploring. After a leisurely hike, I sat in the minivan and read Walden with the side door open. A couple hours later, two other minivans stopped and asked, “Hey dude, are you guys leaving?”

“No, I’m staying tonight,” I said, “and it’s just me.”

“You mind if we share the campground? We got brewskies, and two minivans full of chicks!”

Well, I don’t want to be rude.

It was two guys and five girls, all from Telluride, CO, and all the kind of people police pick out for “random searches.” They started a fire and played some Grateful Dead on one of the radios.

I mentioned their vehicle choice and they espoused the virtues of minivans.

“Oh, minivans are awesome; you can do anything with them!”

Shit yea, you can.

Later in the night, around 11, they had the idea to hike along the river, and invited me to join them. The canyon walls were pitch black, silhouettes of rock formations jutting out into a night sky full of more stars than I’d ever seen. One of the girls told us to all lie down and stare up. We all lay down on a small island in the middle of the stream that we happened to be on at that moment. It was not especially dry.

“Look up at the stars.” She said. “And then realize, that you’re not only looking up at the stars, you’re also looking down at them.”

I started to think about all the things I had done over the past few weeks; seen friends I hadn't seen since college, family I hadn't seen in years, priceless works of art, centuries old cave paintings, and some of the most beautiful scenery I could imagine. I had cheese in Wisconsin and deep dish pizza in Chicago, I hiked the Grand Canyon and touched a rock that came from Mars. I realized that we all live in a great big gigantic world. Unfathomably huge. You could do something every day that is awesome, in the real sense of the word, something that fills you with awe, and if you lived to be a hundred you might never make it past the Rockies.

Minivans aren't cool. They’re not. Nobody looks at me and says, “That guy is so cool.” They say “That homeless guy really needs to wash his minivan.” But Vipers aren't cool either. They’re just metal and plastic. They’re just cars. And don’t misunderstand me; I’m a car guy to the core. But the cars I really love, the ones that really stoke that passion, are the ones that weave in and out of the really great stories of my life; the college racecar, the first project car, the car that cost more to get out of impound than it was worth, and of course the car that went with me around the country for 10 weeks in the spring of 2013. I love that car; I love that I can carry all my friends in it, I love that I can haul my motorcycles with it, I love that I can sleep in the back of it in a Wal-Mart parking lot. It’s not particularly stylish and it doesn't go very fast, but I haven’t owned it for a year and it has already taken me on more adventures than most people will have in a decade.

I drive a minivan, and I love it. If that means I don’t make the “car guy” cut, then fine.

I’ll be a minivan guy.

A minivan guy who drives a Viper.

Matt Brown is the author of !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! , which is a free book that you can totally download for free. It's free.

RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht > Matt Brown 09/13/2013 at 11:04

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I read the whole post, but couldn't stop thinking "WHY NOT BOTH?!"

Seriously, Grand Caravan RT-10. It's one overcomplicated and criminally insane build project away. DO EEET.

Takuro Spirit > Matt Brown 09/13/2013 at 11:09

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Amen, brother.

Just because it's looked down upon, much like the station wagon was before it (and still is) doesn't mean you're less of a person for owning/driving one. Two of the best vehicles I had the most fun in were a a Chevy Astro EXT Rockwood conversion van, and a '93 Voyager with 4 cylinders and 3 speeds.

One, because fold down bed and curtains plus RWD hoonage, the latter because it was so shit, you didn't care what you did to it, or what shit you put in it, it would beg for more, more, MORE!

PelicanHazard > Matt Brown 09/13/2013 at 11:09

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I love my Dart to death and used to just ignore minivans, until my Dart needed to have the head unit replaced and I was given a T&C as a rental. (A 2012, with the Stow 'n' Go fold-flat seats.)

It was awesome! So much space in the back with all the seats folded down, so comfortable, so goddamn practical. I keep an eye on used ones nowadays and may just end up with one in a few years.

moarpowerr > Matt Brown 09/13/2013 at 11:11

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Awesome article, and while I won't be driving a minivan anytime soon, I have seen the appeal to them. But there are alot of people that stuff minivans to a weight that I am surprised the whole suspension doesnt collapse. Yes they are used to haul things, but they aren't built to take on some of the abuse that I have seen peopl eput them through. Still would rather have a wagon...

Meatcoma > Matt Brown 09/13/2013 at 11:12

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Great read. You're still a car guy I guess, but then I don't make the rules nor abide by them.

Ilike_cougars > Matt Brown 09/13/2013 at 11:12

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Great write up, but now could you tell your brethren to stop hogging the left lane so that I can pass?

Formula4speed > Matt Brown 09/13/2013 at 11:14

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My family's town and country just died just shy of 300k miles. The whole family cried when it was taken away.

Minivans are cool and anyone who disagrees is dumb.

Eric Siedlecki > Matt Brown 09/13/2013 at 11:18

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Amazingly well written! I started getting chills there at the end.

I always thought that my brother was the only person in the world who I could talk seriously about mini vans with. I love them! I probably won't ever own one, as I plan on just keeping it to a wagon and my '87 Sentra, but I definitely do not rank mini vans as horrible machines built for those who have given up. They're incredibly versatile.

I anticipate this will be on the front page pretty soon, and it deserves it. Well done.

Aya, Almost Has A Cosmo With Toyota Engine Owned by a BMW. > Matt Brown 09/13/2013 at 11:20

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You bought a wrong minivan man.

If you want to drive a minivan but considered as a cool car, you need a 2006 Indonesian Odyssey with 3L V6.

Google for "2006 Honda Odyssey Indonesia" and you'll se my point.

But it's still a very good write, man.

Lemonhead > Matt Brown 09/13/2013 at 11:25

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Awesome story. I used to own a Mazda MPV 4WD when I was kayaking alot. I was single and owned a minivan and everyone made fun of me, but I didn't care. Once a month, that van and I went on an adventure. My daughter still talks about it fondly and she texts me everything she sees one. It was great. So, sure, it's not a chick magnet. I didn't care. It was an adventure magnet for sure and I wouldn't have had it any other way.

HammerheadFistpunch > Matt Brown 09/13/2013 at 11:27

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Thank you! I read this and all I could think is...will Minivans be the wagons for tomorrows jalops? Will our children, when our shores are awash in diesel rwd manual wagons, pine for minivans? no. BUT, i do think that wagons are in because they are out. they subvert the cultural norms, in much the way minivans do. We dig wagons because they were great vehicles, swept under the rug due to being "uncool". i.e. minivans.

My father in law is retired, but he can kick my but up any mountain, manages 4 properties where he does his own maintenance and when he isn't doing that he is helping me build up and fix my house. he had 1 truck...hated it....then bought minivans. He can haul all the stuff he used to in a truck, get better mileage then take it all out, drive to Zion, inflate the air mattress and have a good nights sleep before rocking a technical slot canyon. He's been across the country 5 times in as many years, often carrying all the tools he needs to tile a new floor or rebuild a furnace in one of his other children's homes. Its been a total eye opener to me how usefull and badass minivans are.

Growing up, my friends parents had a truck to pull a boat to lake powell, it sucked. It was cramped, noisy and we hated taking it. Then he sold it, got a safari awd and we could recline our seats back and let the minivan tow the boat and us comfortable down to powell. how is that not awesome?

ncasolowork2 > Matt Brown 09/13/2013 at 11:27

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My exposure to racing constitutes sitting in front of a computer screen. I'd take the Viper over the Minivan but after just one time on track I'd probably take the minivan.

Josh Welton > Matt Brown 09/13/2013 at 11:43

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Back in like 2005 my brother in law had just gone through a bad break up and got stuck with a Neon SXT he had bought the psycho-ex. He's gear head, mechanic genuis...."WTF am I gonna do with this?"

So he found a SRT-4 in West Virginia some kid had wrapped around a tree, only had 1200 miles on it. Me and him stole his dad's Dodge Caravan and drove from Detroit to WV, picked up the entire drivetrain, 3/4 of the braking system, the seats, the gauge cluster, and various other misc. parts, crammed them in the minivan, and drove it all home. The SXT was a wolf in sheep's clothing one week later. Actually he's still got the Neon, mismatched paint and ziptied body panels but it goes like hell.

Nice write up man.

lonestranger > Matt Brown 09/13/2013 at 11:45

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Great read. If I could share it to the FP, I would.

I'd like to think that most Jalops know that what you drive has no bearing on whether or not you're a car nut. Endearing qualities can be found in every vehicle, and if someone is too closed-minded to realize that, they're missing out on so much of our hobby.

And a 10-week, coast-to-coast road trip? I'm so jealous.

Roadster Man > Matt Brown 09/13/2013 at 11:58

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I almost read that too fast because I was enjoying it so much. Fantastic, well written article. You are a great storyteller. Some of my greatest memories are from my parent's 2001 Town & Country.

I loved this: "It is so uncool that it transcends coolness, going so far to the side of uncool that it comes full circle to absolute coolness." Except I disagree- I think it's so cool that the minivan isn't even on the spectrum. It's beyond coolness.

DCCARGEEK > Matt Brown 09/13/2013 at 12:01

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You can grab a 2013 Caravan AVP w/ a V6 for...what...$20K? Hands down, most useable vehicle ever. But, how many people buy vehicles for their practibility...oh, that's right. Most everyone but us.

Well written post man.

NaturallyAspirated > Matt Brown 09/13/2013 at 12:16

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I grew up with minivans. After my dad rolled his Chevelle and my mom sold her Subaru Leone, my parents bought a 1985 Dodge Caravan, with the 2.6l Mitsubishi engine and a 3-speed automatic transmission. That thing took us everywhere, in about as much comfort as could be expected from a mid-80's car.

In the late 80s, with a third kid on the way, my dad, grandfather, and I went to a junkyard and picked up the bench seats from another Caravan, to upgrade the seating from the factory 5 (2 and 3) to 7 (2, 2, 3). The upholstery on the "new" seats was tan, versus the stock red interior, but that minivan and those bench seats hauled my backside all over the country, from Yosemite CA to New Orleans, LA, to Chicago, IL, many times.

In 1999, my parents picked up a low-miles '98 Grand Caravan for my mom's new DD, as my dad's work schedule, combined with school / music lessons / sports / etc for three kids necessitated a second car.

My dad continued to DD the '85 Caravan until a cracked block ultimately forced it's retirement sometime in the early 2000s, at well over 200,000 miles.

That minivan did indeed personify the virtues you so eloquently conveyed in your article. It could haul anything, was comfortable (as long as we didn't need AC), and got reasonably good fuel economy. Sure, it was slow, not particularly fun to drive, and was really hard to start in a Chicago winter (thanks carburettor), but we were happy to put up with that in exchange for it's immense practicality.

davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com > Matt Brown 09/13/2013 at 12:23

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And... front page - well deserved!

Doug DeMuro > Matt Brown 09/13/2013 at 12:27

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Great piece!

KennyMcKee > Matt Brown 09/13/2013 at 12:29

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3 words.
1989 Dodge Turbovan

If you don't know about it, you need to. It's like the ultimate jalopnik car.

Maximum_Odyssey > Matt Brown 09/13/2013 at 12:33

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From a fellow car guy that loves minivans, I salute you. O7

Mister_Moon > Matt Brown 09/13/2013 at 12:34

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You just talked me out of ever getting rid of the wife's 2004 Sienna when she finally gets ready for a new car. I don't know when that will be, though, because she LOVES the damn thing. And to tell the truth, so do I.

CaptainWompus > RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht 09/13/2013 at 12:35

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I feel like the Grand Caravan would be too much work.. now an RT-10 RAM Van on the other hand...

Manwich - now Keto-Friendly > Matt Brown 09/13/2013 at 12:35

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This is how I feel about minivans as well. Though these days, most minivans aren't mini at all... except for the Kia Rondo or Mazda 5.

If I needed more space, I would get a minivan long before ever getting an SUV.

X-cchannel-M > Matt Brown 09/13/2013 at 12:35

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Awesome article. Replace minivan with the word SUV and the argument still stands. I know someone who owns a Porsche 911 Turbo that is not a garage queen and he still uses his beater Town And Country as his daily driver.

vchengap > Matt Brown 09/13/2013 at 12:35

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I've loved minivans since I was a kid. My brother and I tried to get my parents to buy a Previa but they never did it - or any minivan for that matter. I'm preparing to buy my first minivan - a 5-speed Mazda5. Technically, a mini minivan. Should complement the Miata nicely in my garage.

Manwich - now Keto-Friendly > KennyMcKee 09/13/2013 at 12:38

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That and the Racetaxi:

 > Matt Brown 09/13/2013 at 12:38

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How is that 4 speed tranny treating you?

sgtyukon > Matt Brown 09/13/2013 at 12:38

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A lady I used to work with expressed surprise that her son (with a new drivers' license) wanted to drive her Caravan instead of his father's car. I pointed out that in addition to a minivan's other virtues, it also has reclining seats for 7.

HammerheadFistpunch > Matt Brown 09/13/2013 at 12:40

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I want to add that this...

"nobody who cares what other people think about them would ever buy a minivan; it is a vehicle purchased solely by people who do not care."

...sums it up nicely for me. I couldn't care less what people think about what I drive...its my car...for me, its not for you.

Thanks again.

boxjohn > Matt Brown 09/13/2013 at 12:40

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Minivans, reliability of most real versions aside (midsize sedan suspension bits carrying a topheavy 4500 pounds), are the best solution for carrying a lot of stuff over smooth pavement that's currently available.

To me, the negative vibes from a minivan have always been about the implication that a big box to haul your crap or crappy offspring has become more important than spirited driving, beautiful design, adventures offroad, etc. They're not bad at what they're designed to do. It's just that what they're designed to do is symptomatic of a somewhat boring, buttoned down life.

BeaterGT > Matt Brown 09/13/2013 at 12:41

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In for picture of Viper....left disappointed.

boxjohn > HammerheadFistpunch 09/13/2013 at 12:42

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IMO, the difference there is that a wagon isn't really inherently a worse-performing vehicle than the sedan version. Weights weren't really that different, and sometimes weight distribution and aerodynamics were actually improved.

A Minivan is taller and has a larger frontal area than the sedan it's generally based off. Thus, it tends to be just as poor a performance vehicle as it appears.

The-Ever-Socially-Apathetic TBAL > RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht 09/13/2013 at 12:43

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Some Canadian guy did that, in a (what I think is the best looking van ever made) 2000 Grand Caravan Sport. Converted it to RWD, with a 450HP Viper V10 somewhere in it (I can't remember where, as I was 12 when I read the article). It was in Wheels Canada magazine some while back.

I thought it was awesome. I always thought a Caliber SRT-4 motor in a 2000 Grand Caravan Sport with AWD would be a lot of fun, and useable daily.

Someone needs to do it.

gallahad > Matt Brown 09/13/2013 at 12:43

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Probably the most jalopnik thing I've seen on this site for awhile...

boxjohn > Josh Welton 09/13/2013 at 12:44

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Anywhere I could find info on it? At least a youtube video or something? That's the exact sort of sleeper I have a mild fetish for.

HammerheadFistpunch > boxjohn 09/13/2013 at 12:44

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clearly im not saying a minivan is better than a wagon, im just saying they are both vehicles with undeserved hate.

jpunk > Matt Brown 09/13/2013 at 12:44

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My hatchback is just a tiny minivan.

DannyO > Doug DeMuro 09/13/2013 at 12:44

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Agreed, very well done. A vehicle that you can travel and sleep in can deliver you to many great places and produce great memories. Here's my adventure ride:

AMC/Renauledge > Matt Brown 09/13/2013 at 12:45

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For me, the ultimate car-guy minivan (if you live in the US) is the mid-engined Toyota Previa S/C AWD. It's built to last, can haul anything, and not get stuck at a muddy campsite.

And if you don't quite need all that space, there's always the Eagle Summit Wagon.

DannyO > vchengap 09/13/2013 at 12:45

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Hell yeah, great choice.

Well Spoken Waffle > Matt Brown 09/13/2013 at 12:45

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im currently driving an open zafira opc minivan (or mpv - it's tiny). exported it to africa and using it as my daily driver whilst on holiday. it's totally unfeasible - lowered, big rims, stiff ass springs...

it's an absolute blast - and i can't get enough of the turbo. every now and again i'll rev it just to hear it whistle in the back ground. in fact, the only 2 things i hate are the electric windows (they don't work with the engine off, but the radio does - it gets hot in africa) and the fact that people drive on the wrong side of the road compared to the uk.

when i get back, i'm looking for a vauxhall zafira gsi - the uk version - as my daily driver

Matt Brown > Matt Brown 09/13/2013 at 12:45

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I think my Viper is pissed at me now; she started overheating on the way to work...

bourgeoisie > Matt Brown 09/13/2013 at 12:46

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You're a great writer, I really like how measured your pace is (though it sped up a little toward the end). That is a rare quality in this age of internet writing.

Also, I couldn't agree with you more about vans.

boxjohn > HammerheadFistpunch 09/13/2013 at 12:46

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I get it, the hate is undeserved, but I don't think they'll ever be taken up as undervalued performance cars in the way we're starting to see wagons or malaise era boats get that treatment. They're not bad at what they do, but they do have poor driving dynamics that are damned hard to modify away.

Matt Brown > Doug DeMuro 09/13/2013 at 12:48

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Thanks!

Cloud81918 > Matt Brown 09/13/2013 at 12:48

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Minivans really are great vehicles. They offer an amazing mix of abilities. People who shun them have little idea what they are talking about. We have a Mazda5 (Mini-minivan) and it is incredible. Powerful? No. Fast? No. But none of that matters. It hauls kids and stuff and always works. It get nearly 30MPG on the interstate and handles pretty well.

We have a handful of "cooler" cars in our stable too. If someone forced me to choose one and all the others would have to go way I'd choose the Mazda5.

duurtlang > Matt Brown 09/13/2013 at 12:48

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If I were to have more than 2 kids, I'd buy a minivan (1 or 2: wagon or hatch). If there's one thing I hate it's pretentiousness, and a minivan is very unpretentious and practical. Very much unlike a CUV. A minivan is a tool to get the job done, it isn't sexy but its tool like nature makes it somewhat cool. A CUV is like lipstick on a pig. Just... no. It doesn't excel at anything and even as a package it fails compared to similarly priced offerings like wagons, hatchbacks and minivans. The only thing its got going for it is the ride hight, which is only useful to some.

PedalHead > Matt Brown 09/13/2013 at 12:48

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I'm totally on board with this. I f-ing love my minivan. When I need to replace my beloved truck because I couldn't fit two car seats in it, I opted for a used minivan that I pledged to use like a truck. I do and it can haul a lot of crap. Bonus, the crap just wipes right off the leather.

question- I haven't added airbags to the rear yet but I've been contemplating it. How do you like them? Have you found that they improve turn-in at all? (aftermarket swaybars are not available for the Sienna so I thought I'd essentially increase my rear spring rate with some airbags as well as help with load leveling).

Matt Brown > BeaterGT 09/13/2013 at 12:49

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Just for you. Here's me just after I bought it.

ivankc > Matt Brown 09/13/2013 at 12:49

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Hauling some equipment for a workout out of my sorely-missed Voyager, one of the uber-macho classmates asked: "Did you get that van for free?" Me: "Yes." Him: "Good. That's the only reason I could think of that a single guy would be driving a minivan."

No, I was driving a minivan because it's awesome. Also, free.

Best (drinking) night out I ever had was with that minivan. One of my friends brought herself and six of her friends. We all piled into that thing and drank ourselves silly (minus the DD, of course). Good times.

bourgeoisie > moarpowerr 09/13/2013 at 12:49

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Most of them are built to (safely) carry seven 200+lb adults, so I beg to differ on most minivans' ability to haul. You'd have to have some awfully dense cargo to exceed that amount (obviously not withstanding a roof rack or tow hitch).

Matt Brown > Ilike_cougars 09/13/2013 at 12:50

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I sent out the memo. This should be fixed shortly.

GreenN_Gold > PelicanHazard 09/13/2013 at 12:51

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They depreciate pretty hard, so you should be able to get a good deal on a used one.

thatmacfast > Matt Brown 09/13/2013 at 12:51

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SuperfastMatt - you sir are awesome, as is this story, and your writing. Thank you.

Matt Brown > Roadster Man 09/13/2013 at 12:51

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Thank you sir!

Matt Brown > Eric Siedlecki 09/13/2013 at 12:52

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Thanks for the kind words!

HammerheadFistpunch > boxjohn 09/13/2013 at 12:52

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Im pretty sure what you said...I said. "Thank you! I read this and all I could think is...will Minivans be the wagons for tomorrows jalops? Will our children, when our shores are awash in diesel rwd manual wagons, pine for minivans? no."

Mark Jacob > Matt Brown 09/13/2013 at 12:53

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You, good sir, are my hero.

GreenN_Gold > Matt Brown 09/13/2013 at 12:53

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Having been involved in numerous Lumina APV and Dodge Caravan road trips, I can indeed share your affection for the minivan. Great way to travel.

sounbwoy > Matt Brown 09/13/2013 at 12:54

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You speak truth.. for me, it has lately been all about station wagons or vans (Dodge Magnum and currently a Mazda5). I could care less about looking cool to anyone else. The Mazda does add a little driving fun to the mix so that helps.. Besides, I got really tired of trying to fit my bass gear in a Nissan Maxima.

the_wheelerZ > Matt Brown 09/13/2013 at 12:54

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"We got brewskies, and two minivans full of chicks!"

Come on... they didn't actually say that did they??!! Hilarious!

moarpowerr > bourgeoisie 09/13/2013 at 12:55

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I have seen construction contractors load up a minivan with a couple of bags of cement mix, metal sheets, cinderblocks, and equipment in the same van...needless to say that it looked "grounded to the ground"

Naijaflavor, I Love Doritos > Matt Brown 09/13/2013 at 12:55

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I think i fit into the demographic.

PilotMan > Matt Brown 09/13/2013 at 12:55

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Preach on brother. The best vehicle ever.

I've been cross country with mine, also hauled transmissions, motorcycles, and seen plenty of deserts and mountains.

Josh Welton > boxjohn 09/13/2013 at 12:55

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Not much info about the swap, just that he did it in no time. Looking at some older pics, this happened in '04, not '05. Runs mid to high 12s, and right now looks like this lol:

so sneaky lol

Gmonster > Matt Brown 09/13/2013 at 12:55

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Great article. My wife had a company mini van and gas card for a while. Another benefit - easy to parallel park into a shoebox. Drive almost car like. Sooooooo comfy.

Your whole bit on how uncool they are, and the bit on not caring, however, just caused every hipster in North America to rush out to look for an affordable used minivan.

TheCrudMan > Matt Brown 09/13/2013 at 12:57

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I'm moving today and my old first car, a 1998 Nissan Quest Minivan, is dropping by to assist me. Looking forward to it. A lot actually.

GrauGeist > RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht 09/13/2013 at 12:57

1

Sorry, needed picture.

oldirtybootz > Matt Brown 09/13/2013 at 12:57

0

We had two as loaner cars at the dealership where I work. Those vans were tough as nails and very practical. Same generation as yours.

Matt Brown > the_wheelerZ 09/13/2013 at 12:57

2

I promise, they totally said that.

CAR_IS_MI > Matt Brown 09/13/2013 at 12:58

2

I think you like your minivan for the same reasons I like trucks. My biggest problem with minivans is the sterotypes (and lets face it, they exist for a reason).

Minivan = Soccer mom who is trying to reach her screaming kid in the third row.

Van= Rapist

Truck = Redneck

Bro-truck = something that needs to be burned with fire.

GrauGeist > Matt Brown 09/13/2013 at 12:58

1

You know, it is possible to put a LT1 in a Chevy Astro minivan, right?

bolts right up and goes like stink. Plus, everything stays in family.

JohnnyWasASchoolBoy > Matt Brown 09/13/2013 at 12:58

5

Love this in metallic grey. Seriously. If you parked your car next to any other Viper, the other one will look like a cheap knockoff.

Nice ride.

MentalMechanic > RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht 09/13/2013 at 12:59

0

Because they already have the Eclipse/Laser/Talon version

Matt Brown > AMC/Renauledge 09/13/2013 at 13:00

5

People love Previas, like more than other minivan people love their minivans. I want to buy one just to see what all the fuss is about.

Kookanoodles > Matt Brown 09/13/2013 at 13:00

1

Hear, hear. Minivans are awesome. Case in point :

The Biebster's got a P71 (Formerly not Justin Bieber) > Matt Brown 09/13/2013 at 13:01

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This was a great read. I really like our '98 Sienna. Also, tell me what you thought of Madison? Where did you get your cheese?

Matt Brown > PedalHead 09/13/2013 at 13:01

1

I really just use them to level out the van and keep from dragging the ass on driveways. I also like to take it off road (did i mention that?) and the on-demand ground clearance is great.

Turbineguy: Nom de Zoom > Matt Brown 09/13/2013 at 13:01

1

My wife and I crack on minivans often - low hanging fruit and all - but I gotta say the weeks I spent with a Toyota Sienna and Honda Odyssey (I do auto reviews) shuttling us and two kids and their stuff and the dog up to NY from CT left an impression on how usable these things are. Both vans had all the goodies; leather captain's chairs, multiple sunroofs, flip-down video screens, and great nav and audio systems. They're more like executive transports (are you reading this Honda/Toyota marketing gurus?) than conveyances for snot-nosed little ankle-biters that ground their cheerios into the carpet.

BTW, Hulu Vader is awesome.

Matt Brown > thatmacfast 09/13/2013 at 13:02

0

Thank you!

The Biebster's got a P71 (Formerly not Justin Bieber) > Matt Brown 09/13/2013 at 13:02

0

This was a great read. Minivans are sorely underrated. I love our '98 Sienna. It can do anything. Also, what did you think of Madison? Where did you get your cheese?

MentalMechanic > Matt Brown 09/13/2013 at 13:02

0

Is this article because it is Friday the 13th? Slash away normalicy.

For your friday the 13th viewing pleasure I present the Jason minivan chasing down the hot stud Corvette.

DankyBrobrowsky > Matt Brown 09/13/2013 at 13:03

2

Nailed it! Love your part about Lexus RX's and Tahoes too. I cant stand minvans, though I dont have a family/kids, but at least they are what they are - no pretense, sheer utility. Respect.

PedalHead > Matt Brown 09/13/2013 at 13:05

0

Cool, thanks. I hadn't even thought about the on-demand ground clearance component, that would be great to stop leaving tow-hitch stripes on friend's driveways.

GrauGeist > HammerheadFistpunch 09/13/2013 at 13:06

2

A minivan is a tool. A very functional, multi-purpose tool. Not sexy, but gets a lot of things done, when getting done is the entire purpose.

annu621 > Matt Brown 09/13/2013 at 13:06

2

Awesome post! Nice job and totally agree.

deekster_caddy > Matt Brown 09/13/2013 at 13:06

0

These guys say owning a minivan is okay.

http://www.turbovan.net/turbovan.html

MonkeePuzzle > Matt Brown 09/13/2013 at 13:09

2

why the hell are our "welcome to colorful colorado" signs so damned brown!?

MonkeePuzzle > Matt Brown 09/13/2013 at 13:10

5

I'm ok with minivans :D

BeaterGT > Matt Brown 09/13/2013 at 13:11

0

Obligatory How old are you?

Also I will read the article later (at work).

Dave > Matt Brown 09/13/2013 at 13:14

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I totally agree. We're about to ditch our Subaru Outback for a minivan. For a while I was holding out, then I gave it some thought and figured "Who the hell thinks that a crossover or SUV is somehow more cool than a minivan? That's delusional."

Fdor > Matt Brown 09/13/2013 at 13:15

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Minivans wouldn't be so bad if not for the styling on the vast majority of them. They're just so ... bland. The new Honda Odyssey is one of the few minivans I can look at and say that it actually looks nice. The way they've tweaked the window line to have a drop gives it some character that most minivans are sorely lacking. I understand the practicality of them. My father has one and we've moved more 4x8 sheets of drywall and plywood in that thing than most full sized pickups. It is a fantastic vehicle for pure space and utility.

They're fantastic utility vehicles for around the city that lack all sense of character. The reason you can park them anywhere and not be bothered is because they're so bland that they blend right in to the background. That lack of character is why I will likely never own one. I just can't drive something that boring. I have a Santa Fe right now and while not the most exciting vehicle it serves my utility purpose (kayaks, bikes, etc) and looks better than most minivans.

MonkeePuzzle > Matt Brown 09/13/2013 at 13:15

6

“Look up at the stars.” She said. “And then realize, that you’re not only looking up at the stars, you’re also looking down at them.”

YesILoveCars > AMC/Renauledge 09/13/2013 at 13:16

2

Horribly underpowered. Toyota then supercharged them, I think in 1993, and it got all the way up to 140hp.

Mr. Sinister > Matt Brown 09/13/2013 at 13:17

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They're terribly useful, typically good in foul weather, usually ride fairly decently, and are completely unassuming.

They just all drive like crap. The high center of gravity kills handling. I have never driven a minivan that wasn't a total mess in a corner. That's the wagon's clear advantage. The 2005 Legacy GT wagon I had was one of the best cars I've ever owned. Royal Blue Pearl paint over a graphite interior. Ugh, it was gorgeous.

What I miss is the Chevy Astro van. S-10 underneath, so small block swaps and suspension upgrades bolt right on. You could fairly easily make an Astro van a killer sleeper.

MonkeePuzzle > BeaterGT 09/13/2013 at 13:17

1

in for picture of minivan towing viper, or minivan stacked with bikes, left partially disappointed, still a good read :D

Matt Brown > BeaterGT 09/13/2013 at 13:17

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32

Mike Fresh, Toomp and Hop > Matt Brown 09/13/2013 at 13:19

1

Thanks for making me reaffirm my love for my mini vans. My 02 Twn&Ctry is about to hit the 200k mark soon and I still am not worried about putting it on the road for a long haul.

I was just at the Pick-n-pull here in Houston on Labor day weekend getting the hard plastic for my dash and a window regulator for the passenger side window. (Its half priced parts day) I ran into a guy getting a few things for his van and he was going on and on about how he loves his van. How great it is that he can haul a lot of things and how its been virtually free of any major problems with it since day one, just little things breaking or not working correctly, but thats to be expected with older vans. I was just amazed to run into a guy that looks like he was a part of Hells Angels getting parts for his Chrysler Mini.

Heres my ying and yang. Wife's Black, mine white.

hayesmp > Matt Brown 09/13/2013 at 13:19

0

We cannot forget Ralph Gilles' famous ACR minivan:

He said he liked it on the track because he could see so deep into the corners.

http://wardsauto.com/news-amp-analy…